Last September I went to the dentist for the first time in 3 years. I know, I know...stop chastising me you jerks! This is a time for confessions, not for judgment. Anyway, I bought a Groupon for a cleaning and a whitening treatment. Working in a coffee shop for three years took a toll on the old (not-so) pearly whites.
Let me explain. It's not that I've been afraid to go. Going to the dentist has not been a scary experience for me since I was a child and they made me do fluoride treatments. I simply haven't felt the need to go lately because my teeth have been perfectly healthy for years. I think I've maybe had 2 minor cavities my entire life.
Well, I guess I should have gone in a little sooner because I had a MAJOR cavity that required a root canal. Yikes! A root canal?! That was a shocker. So much of a shocker, in fact, that I may or may not have cried in the office. Ok I did. And it wasn't a single tear slowly rolling down my cheek either. It was waterworks. I couldn't stop them. And everyone knows the harder you try to stop the tears, the harder they fall.
The good news is that apparently my tears made me endearing to my dentist and the rest of the office because now every time I come in they treat me like I'm their best friend. I actually like going to the dentist office for the most part. Well, maybe not after this last time. I'm a little shell-shocked to be honest.
You see, I had a little misfortune with the crown they put on after my root canal. Also, can we just take a moment to ask ourselves why these things are called crowns? It's not like they are some sort of badge of honor or something. In fact, I think they are rather a reminder of how disappointed your mouth is that you allowed it to become terribly neglected. They're like a Scarlet Letter, not a Tiara. Anyway. Back to my story. The crown they put on didn't fit quite right and after a few months of annoyance and pain, I finally asked them to redo it. Which was hard. I felt a little guilty about asking them to redo something when we had become friends.
So I went back in two days ago to have then take the old crown off and replace it. Which was HORRIFYING!!!!! First, they numbed me up. I need to tell you that I am not a wuss. I typically handle pain pretty well. When I chopped my finger off last week I described the pain as a 3 on a scale of 1-10. But the numbing stuff they gave me in my palate was an 8. At least. I gasped, teared up (I'm sensing a theme here), curled my toes, clenched my fingers and wished I could punch my dentist right in the face even though I like him. After he numbed me he started drilling off my crown. And then he used a tool to try to pry the thing cemented to my gums out of my mouth. But it didn't work as well as he thought. He used so much force that I imagine if whatever tool he used slipped off my tooth, it would have poked a huge hole right in my cheek. I was terrified! I happen to like that cheek. I did not need a hole poked in it.
I shot out a text message trying to describe my horror and elicit a sympathetic response. All I received in response was a comment telling me that if I had really enjoyed my eyebrow piercing, I would probably enjoy a cheek piercing. Thanks.
I did, however enjoy a conversation with a friend later that day as we swapped horror stories. She apparently had to go to the "women's doctor". She told me that she was so nervous waiting for the exam that she had to peel herself off the paper lining on the exam table and dab the sweat under her arms with the paper robe. I thought this was amusing. It made my trip to the dentist at least look a little better.
The good news? My new crown seems to be working out fine. And I don't have to go back to the dentist for another couple months. At which point I hope to be able to walk through the door without visibly shaking. It did not in any way ruin my birthday and I was able to relive the dentist scene in Little Shop of Horrors. So win, win.....win.
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